Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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