I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
