I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
