I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
