god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ttyl tear gas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize