Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
