Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
