he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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