she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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