Can i not drive my cunt home
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like, not good at living.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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