I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
