Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
