My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize