When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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