I'm jealous of your bromance
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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