the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
