she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
