You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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