i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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