can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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