When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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