It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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