The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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