I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
