I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
