Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
