Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry braman hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

Fav 26 6436 1133
share tweet
(415): View more from California

There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

Fav 35 7951 1694
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

Fav 12 6201 1212
share tweet
(310): View more from California

so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

Fav 22 9117 1660
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

Fav 4 2182 1482
share tweet
(325): View more from Texas

3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!

Fav 7 2608 1205
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(817): View more from Texas

Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello

Fav 10 1562 803
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

Fav 8 1540 578
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.

Fav 0 56 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT