Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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