Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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