Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
