You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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