I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
