i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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