i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
