You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize