she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
