I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I need moral support for this bender
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
