I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
