apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
