she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My feet surprised me
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