Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
