I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
