Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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