Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
