Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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