I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
