I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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