Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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