Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
