i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
