Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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