so that wasnt chicken after all
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
