Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
