Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
