i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
