New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
