I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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