can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
foreskin is a definite game changer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize