Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
