Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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