I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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