You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
