What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
