and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
