Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i now understand why vodka
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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