I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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